The Dose of Reality – Terms of Endearment
I hate to do this to you all, but prepare yourselves for an ugly cry.
This amazing post was written by my good friend, Ashley, over at The Dose of Reality. She just hits so many nails right on the head in this one, I had to share. You’ll cry from the honesty and painful truth of how motherhood can make us feel at its high and low points. Well, that, and the clip from the movie,”Terms of Endearment.”
Read the whole “Terms of Endearment” post on The Dose of Reality.
There is a scene at the end of the movie Terms of Endearment where Debra Winger is saying goodbye to her children in her hospital room. My mom and I used to have differing opinions over which part made us cry harder. For me, especially as a teenager, it was always Teddy with his broken face and the obvious heartbreak happening to him right in front of my eyes. For her though, it was Tommy, the older son, the one who was struggling to hold it all together and remain his defiant preteen self. He was trying not to cry and to show that he was just fine. It was what Debra Winger said to him that broke my mother’s heart. She told him that she wanted him to know, to really know in his heart, that she knew he loved her. She did not want him to be left with the guilt that so often settles into those left behind when they know they didn’t say it enough or show it enough, especially to their mothers. So she made sure, as mothers so often do, to be selfless in that moment, to comfort him, even if he did not think he needed her comfort. Because she knew he did and would.
Go now and read the whole post. It’s beautiful.
Dammit, Ashley, now I have to go fix my eye make-up. Oh wait, I’m a mom. I don’t wear any.
Like this:
Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Book Club
I have belonged to two incredible book clubs. One in Charlotte, North Carolina and one here in New Providence, New Jersey.
Book Club is the BEST. THING. EVER.
I love to read, so getting me to read the books is nothing. The other benefits I get out of book club are just so awesome, I can’t even begin to count them. Or maybe I can.
Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Book Club
It forces me to clean my house when it’s my turn to host.- My turn to host is only once a year.
- I get to talk to other smart moms about something other than our children.
- I talk from the smartest parts of my brain, and out of the dumbest parts of my ass all in the same night.
- No one is judged.
I cook fun snacks for book club girls while feeding my own family TV dinners.- After hosting, when everyone leaves, I have great leftovers and extra bottles of wine. Plus a clean house. Score!
- My husband puts the kids to bed.
- I stay up past 10PM.
- I end the night inspired. Not by unknown authors or famous people. But by my friends. Man, I have smart friends.
If you love to read and are not part of a book club, find one. If you can’t, come to mine.
If you don’t like to read, give it a try. It is nothing like it was in middle or high school. Trust me. I was a middle and high school English teacher. Book club and English class are two totally different species.
If you’re lucky, you may find a book club full of wonderful people who still let you show up even when you haven’t read the book.
Just remember….
Whether it’s “Fifty Shades of Grey” or “Pillars of the Earth,” what happens in book club stays in book club.
Like this:
Mom Got Her Wish…Times Three
I curse you with children
who act just like you!!
When I was an adorable, angelic, perfect child, I remember my mom gritting her teeth and muttering under her breath, “Just wait until YOU’RE a mother!!”
In my elementary years, I took it as yet another version of, “You’ll understand when you’re older.”
In my teenage years, I would come back with a venomous, “I’ll NEVER treat MY kids like this!!!”
Now, in my thirties, with three kids, I realize her words weren’t about education or insight. No, those words were a curse.
In all of our exhaustion, tedium, and daily frustrations as moms, the universe grants us all one magical power. The power to curse your own children with offspring just like them.
I remember hearing those words muttered at various times while growing up. My earliest memories of the curse started quite young. They tell me I was a screamer as a baby, and only grew to an even louder child.
I don’t think I could have been all that bad, though. If I had been, I don’t think I’d have such sensitive hearing now as an adult. After all, my 3-year-old daughter is MUCH louder than I ever was. She just HAS to be. And she never, ever, ever stops talking. Never!
Never did I come home with a note from my first grade teacher that said, “Stacey talks too much in class,” and throw it away on the top of the garbage, then lie about it to my mother. No, that wasn’t me.
And I’ve heard stories of frequent spills and knocked-over plates of food, but they can’t all be true, can they? I wonder this as I’m on my hands and knees picking food up off the floor under the dining room table, and while I’m pouring seltzer and white vinegar on the red wine spill my 7-year-old just splashed on our new couch.
As far as my attitude, I know I was born under the sign of the bull as a Taurus, but surely I’m not that stubborn. I have never ignored any suggestions, no matter how well-reasoned they were, for the single reason that they were offered by my mother. No, that doesn’t sound like me.
My middle child, though? Oh, his November birthday must have been a mistake. Just yesterday, he lost his screen time in increments for a number of reasons throughout the day until it was completely gone. After his initial screaming fit subsided, I thought he had accepted his fate. But an hour later, he came to me and said, “Mommy, do you want to know where my plants vs. zombies pictures are?”
I took the bait and responded. ”Where are they?”
“I cut them up into pieces without coloring them since you punished me and took away my screen time,” he announced.
I told him the meaning of “cutting off your nose to spite your face.” Then he stormed upstairs and slammed his bedroom door.
Stubborn and spiteful? I have no idea where he gets that from!
Loud? Incessant? Messy? Clumsy? Stubborn? Spiteful?
Who are these children and where on earth did they get such annoying habits!!
Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
I AM my mother, after all.
My mom’s favorite saying now is when I often utter the rhyme:
“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I AM my mother, after all!”
I imagine my mom is reading this now, rubbing her hands together with a maniacal cackle bubbling up toward the surface as she sees her curse bloom to fruition.
I think I’m going to start muttering my own curse from now on:
“Children, you mock and argue, too. Someday you’ll have kids JUST LIKE YOU!!”
They say revenge is a dish best served cold. It may have taken thirty years, but I hope you’re enjoying the best Mother’s Day gift you’ll ever get, Mom!
Like this:
The Renovation Workout
I woke up this morning as creaky as one of our hundred-year-old door hinges.
The house we are fixing up was built in 1906. Besides needing a facelift from the ugly paint and carpets, we find ourselves facing restoration challenges as well. Sometimes the vintage pieces like gorgeous window and door mouldings win out and survive. Other times, we have to surrender to reality and break apart the ancient hinges just to get the door out of the way.
What I’m learning from this whole renovation process (other than the fact that it is taking over our lives and will probably never be truly complete) is that my body feels about as old as the house after days of working on it.
My arms, legs, shoulders and back are all getting quite a workout from the various jobs around the house. When we bought this house and agreed to the challenge of fixing it up, we did so because the house had good bones. I can only hope the same is true for me.
If anyone else has a laundry list of home improvement tasks and a desire to work your muscles until they’re sore, I can recommend the following Renovation Workout.
- Back Strengthening Carpet Pulls – They say if you want a strong core, you should work out your back as much as your abs. Pulling up old carpet is a great way to workout your back. As you grab the corners of the carpet, plant your feet and get low into a squat. Then pull the carpet back toward you, using your back muscles. Back up and repeat as many times as needed until all carpet has been separated from the tacking strips.
Shoulder Scraping – Do your floors have old linoleum stuck on? Any stains or paint spills you need to scrape up off your hardwoods? Then give your shoulders and arms a workout while you scrape, scrape, scrape up the stuck-on mess.- Crown Moulding Triceps – You need to remove all crown moulding before you can paint, so you might as well work your triceps and get your arms in shape for sleeveless summer days at the same time. Using your pry bar and hammer (the heavier the better for your arms, but beware of early fatigue if it’s too heavy), get the edge under the moulding and hammer it in until a gap appears. Then push down on the other end of the pry bar to slowly pop out the end of a strip. Continue until all nails are popped out and you can safely remove the moulding strip without cracking it. Best done on a low step stool so the work requires you to raise your arms over your head.
- Wax On, Wax Off, Wall Cleaning – There was a reason Mr. Miyagi did this to the Karate Kid. It’s a great upper body workout. Your walls should be cleaned before priming and painting. Your shoulders, arms, abs and back can help get the job done with a bucket of TSP substitute, a giant sponge, and a drying rag. Dip the sponge in the solution, squeeze out the excess and wash the walls using large circular motions while pushing with enough elbow grease to loosen the actual grease of previous owners stuck to the walls. Follow with the dry rag in your other hand in the same circular motion for an even workout.
- Paint Roller Squats – Everyone says you should keep a wet edge while painting, so roll from top to bottom to keep the paint even while getting the best lower body workout possible. Squat low (keeping your knees behind your toes) for all the lowest parts, then slowly rise up as you paint the rest of the wall. Hold your squat midway for the lower middle, stand straight for the center section, then rise onto your tiptoes for an added calf stretch for the very highest parts. Repeat for as many reps as needed until the wall is completely primed. Then repeat with paint color.
Repeat the above exercises for as many rooms as needed until your house looks great and your body reaps its rewards.
Now, if only I could find a home improvement project to keep the snacks out of my mouth, I’d be in great shape!
Like this:
11 Reasons the World Should Be Run by the NHL
Sitting on the couch watching my New Jersey Devils in the hockey playoffs, I asked my husband,
“Why did they just call that? I thought players could grab the puck with their hands.”
“They can, but there are all kinds of rules for hand passes. You can grab it, but you have to drop it straight down. You can’t pass it to anyone by throwing it. You can let it deflect off your glove, but then can’t grasp it.”
“What?? So many specifics,” I said trying to wrap my head around all the particulars.
“They have to be specific. Or it wouldn’t be clear what’s legal and what’s not.”
Good point, I thought. It’s too bad our country doesn’t follow the same theory. We’d be in much better shape if we did. Come to think of it, there are a lot of reasons we’d be better off if the world were run by the NHL.
11 Reasons the World Should Be Run by the NHL.
- Clear Rules; No Loopholes. The aforementioned hand pass rule takes up sixteen separate paragraphs and two separate rules (Rule 67 – Handling Puck and Rule 79 – Hand Pass). But, in those sixteen paragraphs, there is no legalese, no double talk, and no confusion. They simply cover every possibility and state what is allowed, what is not, and what the penalty is for illegal action. Think of how much time, effort, and money would be saved if our laws were so clearly written.
- No Whining. Coaches and players do not whine or complain if a call doesn’t go their way. They take it. They understand that no one is perfect and not everything can be reviewed or argued. Sometimes in life we just have to accept imperfection and move on. Likewise, if a player is hurt, they go off the ice for a few stitches and come back on to finish the game. No days off for hang nails and headaches.
- No high sticking. You have the right to bear arms and use them the way they were intended. Raise it at the wrong time and you’ll sit in the penalty box. Own your own weapons, but know how to use them or pay the price.
- Great music. Life would be accompanied by the best soundtrack. No one rocks an arena like the music between plays at a hockey game.
- Success comes from adversity. If it’s easy, it’s boring. Underdogs have excellent chances, but only if they work hard to earn them.
Only experts get the microphone. The only media coverage on anything should come from qualified experts, those who have put in their time and have experience. No biased news anchors. No Commander-in-Chief who hasn’t served himself. No blow hards and no talking heads. And, for my fellow WFAN fans, more Boomer, less Carton.- Respect for history. There is only ONE cup. Lord Stanley’s Cup. First presented in 1893, it was handed to league winners until 1970 when a copy was forged in order to preserve the thinning, fragile original. When awarded to a team, the cup travels to each player in turn. The cup has been in a shower, in a horse stall, used for a baptism, as a movie theater popcorn holder, and as an unsuccessful floatation device in a swimming pool. But, do something disrespectful like urinate in the cup and you may be waiting another 54 years until your next turn as the 1940 Rangers learned the hard way. Our rights in this country should always be accompanied by respect for those who gave them to us. Respect and fun do not have to be mutually exclusive.
- Encourage aggressive behavior. In hockey, check, cut, and bump your way toward your goal. Life is not a spectator sport. Getting physical is not always the same as bullying. But if you play dirty, you will be called out and put in the penalty box.
- Work ethic is rewarded. If players work hard enough to tie, their overtime loss still earns a point. Work hard. Make it to OT.
- No superstars; no coddling. No one position in hockey is coddled. There are no red shirts to protect against tackles; no designated hitters to go to bat for other players. No liability lawsuits here. Players aren’t crazy and don’t have a death wish. Protect yourself is the rule. Teammates are busy doing their own jobs. Wear pads and protect yourself.
- Minivans. I am a minivan mom. I smiled when I saw that the Honda Odyssey is the official vehicle of the NHL. Moms rule. Everywhere.
Life is hard, cold, and sometimes cruel. But if you work hard and follow the rules, you get to play hard. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get to eat popcorn out of the Stanley Cup.
Like this:
Bouncing off the Walls
Just in case any of you were thinking we live a charmed life after I wrote about Renovating with Kids and how helpful they were, I thought it was only fair to share the flip side of that reality, too.
I guess washing and sanding walls isn’t as much fun as knocking them down, so our helpers opted out of the work force after about ninety seconds of labor.
While my husband and I work on the rooms upstairs, the kids play downstairs. We don’t have any cable or internet service hooked up yet, so they have to use their imaginations. They all have floor-sized activity books, crayons, pencils, art sets, a few board games and lots of books. And, since we’re not totally in the Dark Ages, they have DS or LeapSter handheld video games, too.
To my surprise though, the video game freedom we give them while we’re working usually translates to about one hour or less. They prefer using their imaginations and playing with each other. They become made-up characters in made-up worlds and race around the house screaming and squealing with delight.
That is, until they begin screaming and squealing in anger.
“MOMMY!!!”
“I’m upstairs!! What happened?”
I hear the telltale stomping up the steps that tells me I’m about to get at least two versions of the story.
“Robbie hit…my back!!” sobs my three-year-old.
“WHAT?!” I respond in surprise and frustration.
“Why on earth would you HIT your little sister?! I’m surprised at you; you know better than that!” I scold my oldest son.
“She KICKED and STOMPED on my neck!!!” he sputters out in defense.
My shoulders slump as I let out a sigh, squeeze out my sponge and pull off my gloves. I’ve seen her use the kicking tactic before and it’s not pretty.
“Everybody downstairs,” as I herd my turtles back to the scene of the crime.
“Robbie, you’re in timeout for hitting your sister. I know she kicked you first and I know it hurt. But you should have come and told us instead of hitting back. She’s smaller than you and she’s a girl. You don’t EVER hit a girl. Sit here.”
Our first born, our pleaser, our rule follower sits and takes his punishment.
“Allie, you’re in timeout for…”
“NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
I don’t even get the first sentence out before she’s thrown herself on the floor, arching her back, hammering the floor with her little fists and screaming something unintelligible, but probably along the lines of how she didn’t do anything. Little liar.
“YOU’RE IN TIMEOUT FOR KICKING ROBBIE. We DON’T KICK. GET OVER HERE NOW TO SIT IN YOUR TIMEOUT OR…”
Sh*t. We’re not even home where I have an arsenal of things I could take away. We’re here, fixing up the shore house and I need them to have the few distractions they have so we can get some work done. Great, now what?
She’s too smart for her own good. She heard my pause. She knows I’m scrambling. She suddenly wants to hear what she’s about to get away with. She quiets down a few decibels to hear me stumble and grasp at straws.
“Or…Or…Or you’ll have to take a nap HERE,” is the best I can do. Judge me all you want about how I’m not supposed to use naps as punishment. She’ll just continue to fight me about taking them if I do. I had to use what I had and it wasn’t much.
At least she heard me.
“NOO! NO NAPPY!!!”
“Then you’d better come sit for your timeout then. That’s one….”
She knows she has two more, so she continues beating her fists and kicking her feet.
“Come sit in timeout or you’re taking a nap. That’s two….”
She stood up, stomped her way over and sat down with such force, she probably bruised her butt. But she made it there before “three,” so no nap. Thank God!! (By way, I don’t read many parenting books, but “1 2 3 Magic” is one of the few I’ve read and used with all of my kids. I highly recommend it.)
After timeouts are served, I set them up in separate spaces with a new activity and head back upstairs to start priming the walls.
An hour or so later, we hear squealing and laughter floating upstairs. Actually, it’s more like shouting and squealing followed by a loud THUD and side-splitting laughter. Then it repeats. We start laughing at the sounds and taking our best guesses what they could be doing. Spinning till they fall off of one of the bar stools? Long jumping onto their sleeping bags? Whatever it is, all three of them are doing it together and having a ball.
It’s great how kids don’t hold grudges, isn’t it?
After the curiosity gets the better of us, we quietly head downstairs to find this.
Yes, they were, quite literally, bouncing off the walls.
Since we’re in the middle of renovating the upstairs bedrooms, we all sleep downstairs. My husband and I on a mattress on the floor, and the kids in their sleeping bags on foam pads on the floor.
During the day, we lift the mattress up and out of the way, propping it up against the living room wall. It’s not pretty, but it works and allows us to get more work done while the kids sleep at night instead of being limited to daytime hours only.
Somehow, even without TV and computers, the kids still manage to find ways to have fun. We have yet to use this house for its intended purpose (the kids may be in college by the time we’re finished with the renovations), but they’re already making memories here.
Like this:
Pay to Take Your Kids to Work Day
Today is National Take Your Children to Work Day. Nice concept, except for the fact that not all companies are really that supportive.
My husband actually inquired about taking our kids to his office with him today. When speaking with HR in his company (which shall remain nameless as we actually need him to continue receiving a paycheck), he was given his options.
Open that wider, sir. The cost is per head to come here.
He could pay x-amount of dollars per kid if he wanted to bring them in. Yes, you read that right. He would have to PAY his company money in order to bring his kids in to work with him on National Bring Your Children to Work Day. Nice, huh?
Then they added in the kicker. As if having to pay your employer wasn’t bad enough, each parent bringing in kids had to sign up for a time slot to babysit the kids in the office during the day. In other words, the kids wouldn’t be allowed to actually be WITH their parents at work. No, they’d be corralled into a childcare room with revolving parent babysitters.
My husband told me he wasn’t signing up for the program after hearing all of that. I don’t blame him.
Looks like I’ll have them with me at work today instead. You know, running errands, chauffeuring to activities, folding laundry, and scrubbing toilets. Since that’s my work everyday, do you think they’ll be excited to get involved and help me since it’s Take Your Kids to Work Day? I think free child labor trumps paying an employer by far.
Bring Your Child to Work Day? That's called free child labor!
If you’re able to bring your kids to work without literally paying for it, count your lucky stars and thank your HR department.
The First World Book Night USA Was a Great Success!
Today was the first ever World Book Night in the US and I couldn’t be happier that I got to be a part of it. After a few months of anticipation, the big day arrived. I convinced my child laborers to help me hand out the materials. Surprisingly enough, they were more excited than I was to experience World Book Night as a giver…and that’s saying something!
After publicizing the event in local news outlets and through our schools, we had hopes to give out our whole collection in one hour. Turns out all we needed was 15 minutes!
We were joined by some friends who graciously came out to support our efforts. Six kids armed with books, flyers, and bookmarks can move stuff pretty darned fast! If you ever need anything handed out in public to strangers, I strongly suggest getting kids to help.
Eager World Book Night Helpers
We handed our books out to individuals, families, and groups. Some came out specifically looking for us for the World Book Night event, which gave us the chance to talk about this great organization as well as the titles. Most of our recipients, though, just happened to come by at the right time.
Happy Recipients of "The Book Thief" on World Book Night
I was thrilled to be able to champion “The Book Thief” as a great title as well as encourage reluctant readers to try again. No matter who we spoke to, everyone who took a copy of the book walked away smiling.
After all books were handed out, I rewarded my helpers with pancakes for dinner at the local diner. I asked how they liked being part of World Book Night. Their favorite part? The feeling at the end of doing something nice for people they didn’t know.
“It’s cool that all of those people don’t know each other, but now they’re reading the same book,” said my oldest.
Yeah, that is pretty cool, kiddo.
Thanks, World Book Night. We’re already looking forward to next year!
Like this:
When was the last time you read a good book? Not for an assignment, not for work, but read just for the sheer enjoyment of reading?
If you’re scratching your head, trying to think of the date, then World Book Night is about YOU!
On Monday, April 23rd, all around the world, World Book Night givers will hand out copies of FREE books on the bestseller lists in an effort to share the gift of reading. That’s right, FREE.
All you need to do is show up to take your free copy of the book and bring it home, get comfortable, and start reading. Then, when you rediscover your love for reading, head to your nearest library and browse for more great books. For free. Then pass along your World Book Night gift to someone else who could use a gentle reminder that reading is a gift.
I have been chosen to be a World Book Night giver for our area. On Monday, April 23 at 5:00pm, I will begin giving out FREE copies of Markus Zusak’s “The Book Thief” to new or light readers. I have 20 copies to give out, so first come, first served. Come out to the Dunkin Donuts and Old Glory Restaurant in New Providence to celebrate literacy and the joy of reading as part of this world-wide event!
Why read? Reading offers many benefits to people of all ages.
- Parents who read encourage children to read. Are you a parent? When is the last time your children saw you reading for enjoyment? We all want our kids to be strong readers. Did you know that you can help teach your children great reading habits just from them seeing you read? Social Learning Theory describes how modeled behaviors like reading for enjoyment, will encourage children to adopt those same behaviors in which they observe their parents’ participation. Basically, if they see YOU reading, THEY will read more, too.
- Reading reduces stress. Reading for enjoyment, especially reading Fiction, helps to reduce stress and enhances tranquility. When reading a great story, your mind lets go of its worries. Reading causes the mind to shift gears and the body to be still. De-stress your life while engaging your mind.
- Strengthen your brain through reading. Studies have proven that reading stimulates your brain in different ways that other forms of entertainment cannot. Reading sharpens memory, increases learning capacity, and makes your mind stronger. You don’t have to be reading dry, boring texts to get smarter. It’s the act of reading that strengthens your brain.
- Reading’s sexy, and you know it. Okay, so maybe this claim hasn’t been scientifically proven (yet), but there’s an entire Tumblr site dedicated to “Hot Guys Reading Books,” so there must be something to it, right? Seeing someone reading lets you get a sneak peek into their private time. Choosing to read for yourself shows a desire to learn and experience new things. Witnessing someone’s desires? What’s sexier than that?
- Win more Words With Friends and Scrabble games by reading. Want to kick butt in online word games? Reading increases vocabulary. The more you read, the more words you are exposed to. Word exposure is a big part of increased vocabulary. You don’t need to look up definitions to learn word meanings. Your brain will determine meaning through repetition and context. Once the words are learned, they’re forever in your brain bank for high-scoring games.
- Reading enhances social skills. Really! Books offer great conversation starters and topics for discussion. Simply asking, “Have you read any good books lately?” will usually spark a great flurry of chatter. (Just make sure you have a pen handy to write down all the great titles you’ll get if you ask that one!) There’s a reason talk shows feature new bestsellers. Reading the same hot titles forges connections with people. Avoid awkward silences by reading!

More info on World Book Night:
WHO: From Kodiak, Alaska, to Key West, Florida, in 6,000 towns and cities across America, 25,000 volunteers will give away half a million free books on one day: April 23, 2012.
WHAT: World Book Night U.S. is an ambitious campaign to personally give out thousands of free, specially printed books across America. Volunteer book lovers like myself will help promote reading by going into our communities and handing out free copies of a book we love to new or light readers, reaching them especially in underserved places – and even some fun spots. Volunteers will be picking up the books at a local bookstore or library in order to go out and share them in locations as diverse as VA hospitals, nursing homes, ballparks, mass transit, diners, and more.
WHERE & WHEN: I will be giving out 20 free copies of “The Book Thief” outside Dunkin Donuts and Old Glory Restaurant in New Providence at 5:00pm, on Monday, April 23.
I am very proud to be a part of the first World Book Night in the U.S., following the impressive launch of this campaign in the UK and Ireland last year.
For more information about World Book Night, please go to www.worldbooknight.org
Like this:
Tulip Twins (aka “Fourlips”)
I actually managed to triumph over the deer population this year and my tulips look amazing. Nothing is as rewarding as watching spring bloom from the work done two seasons ago.
My Crocuses sprouted first, followed by my Hyacinths, then my Daffodils, and now my Tulips. Yes, they are all my spring children, hence the capital letters. My daughter’s cheery cherry tree is full of pink blossoms and our azaleas are starting to peek out from their bulbs, as well.
I truly love the colors of this season.
But perhaps the most amazing sprout in my flower beds is my Tulip Twin. Or, as my husband has named her, our Fourlip bloom.
This is one single tulip bulb, which grew as one single tulip stalk. But, wonder of all wonders, the head split into two buds!
She has held onto both of her heads as she opens into full bloom, too. If only I knew the secrets of plant cloning, I could make millions. I lament that I cannot give her any children of her own, though. With two heads, just think what a super mom she would be!
