11 Reasons the World Should Be Run by the NHL

Sitting on the couch watching my New Jersey Devils in the hockey playoffs, I asked my husband,

“Why did they just call that?  I thought players could grab the puck with their hands.”

“They can, but there are all kinds of rules for hand passes. You can grab it, but you have to drop it straight down.  You can’t pass it to anyone by throwing it.  You can let it deflect off your glove, but then can’t grasp it.”

“What??  So many specifics,” I said trying to wrap my head around all the particulars.

“They have to be specific.  Or it wouldn’t be clear what’s legal and what’s not.”

Good point, I thought.  It’s too bad our country doesn’t follow the same theory.  We’d be in much better shape if we did.  Come to think of it, there are a lot of reasons we’d be better off if the world were run by the NHL.

11 Reasons the World Should Be Run by the NHL.

1. Clear Rules; No Loopholes.  The aforementioned hand pass rule takes up sixteen separate paragraphs and two separate rules (Rule  67 – Handling Puck and Rule 79 – Hand Pass).  But, in those sixteen paragraphs, there is no legalese, no double talk, and no confusion.  They simply cover every possibility and state what is allowed, what is not, and what the penalty is for illegal action.  Think of how much time, effort, and money would be saved if our laws were so clearly written.
2. No Whining.  Coaches and players do not whine or complain if a call doesn’t go their way.  They take it.  They understand that no one is perfect and not everything can be reviewed or argued.  Sometimes in life we just have to accept imperfection and move on.  Likewise, if a player is hurt, they go off the ice for a few stitches and come back on to finish the game.  No days off for hang nails and headaches.
3. No high sticking.  You have the right to bear arms and use them the way they were intended.  Raise it at the wrong time and you’ll sit in the penalty box.  Own your own weapons, but know how to use them or pay the price.
4. Great music.  Life would be accompanied by the best soundtrack.  No one rocks an arena like the music between plays at a hockey game.
5. Success comes from adversity.  If it’s easy, it’s boring.  Underdogs have excellent chances, but only if they work hard to earn them.
6. Only experts get the microphone.  The only media coverage on anything should come from qualified experts, those who have put in their time and have experience.  No biased news anchors.  No Commander-in-Chief who hasn’t served himself.  No blow hards and no talking heads.  And, for my fellow WFAN fans, more Boomer, less Carton.
7. Respect for history.  There is only ONE cup.  Lord Stanley’s Cup.  First presented in 1893, it was handed to league winners until 1970 when a copy was forged in order to preserve the thinning, fragile original.  When awarded to a team, the cup travels to each player in turn.  The cup has been in a shower, in a horse stall, used for a baptism, as a movie theater popcorn holder, and as an unsuccessful floatation device in a swimming pool.  But, do something disrespectful like urinate in the cup and you may be waiting another 54 years until your next turn as the 1940 Rangers learned the hard way. Our rights in this country should always be accompanied by respect for those who gave them to us.  Respect and fun do not have to be mutually exclusive.
8. Encourage aggressive behavior.  In hockey, check, cut, and bump your way toward your goal.  Life is not a spectator sport.  Getting physical is not always the same as bullying.  But if you play dirty, you will be called out and put in the penalty box.
9. Work ethic is rewarded.  If players work hard enough to tie, their overtime loss still earns a point.  Work hard.  Make it to OT.
10. No superstars; no coddling.  No one position in hockey is coddled.  There are no red shirts to protect against tackles; no designated hitters to go to bat for other players.  No liability lawsuits here.  Players aren’t crazy and don’t have a death wish.  Protect yourself is the rule.  Teammates are busy doing their own jobs.  Wear pads and protect yourself.
11. Minivans.  I am a minivan mom.  I smiled when I saw that the Honda Odyssey is the official vehicle of the NHL.  Moms rule.  Everywhere.

Life is hard, cold, and sometimes cruel.  But if you work hard and follow the rules, you get to play hard.  And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get to eat popcorn out of the Stanley Cup.