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Hurricane Sandy Now Frankenstorm; Octsnowber Deja-Vu, NJ?

October 26, 2012

Remember this time last year, when NJ parents and kids were blindly preparing for a regular old Halloween, and instead, we were hit with “Octsnowber?”  A freak blizzard that dumped half a foot of snow, taking down branches still-full with leaves, and power lines with them.  Seven days without power and Trick-or-Treating in mid-November was the result.

So here we are, one year later, five days until Halloween 2012 and the forecast is calling for a “Frankenstorm.”

What? You’ve never heard of a Frankenstorm?  Apparently, it’s when a hurricane (in this case, Sandy) meets up with a developing nor’easter, and the clash takes place during a full moon.

I mean, isn’t it obvious that Hurricane + Nor’easter + Full Moon = Frankenstorm?

No?

NO, you inane, Seinfeld wannabe weathermen!!  It’s NOT obvious!  Who is coming up with these ridiculous cutesy names for things like this?  When I Googled “Frankenstorm,” I got pages upon pages of hits, with most headlines reading “OFFICIALS dub hurricane ‘Frankenstorm!'”

Who are these officials and why are they spending so much time trying to find a catchy name when we’d all be better served if they just told us the facts?  Who names things like this anyway?  Do they get a cookie if their name is chosen?  What’s the incentive there?

As parents, we’re told to teach our children the real names for anatomy and current events.  Yet our weathermen and newscasters are falling all over themselves trying to be cute.  So my 4-year-old should say “vagina,” but my weatherman can get away with “Frankenstorm?”  Sure, that makes sense.

I’ll be heading out later with the rest of the lemmings to buy my jugs of water, loaves of bread and milk that will spoil if we lose power again, all while discussing our impending doom.

I’m sure the toddlers driving the shopping cart trucks will stop in the aisles and ask in perfect diction about each other’s “lactose intolerance” and “separation anxiety” while their mothers chit-chat above them with “Oct-Snow-Ber” and “Frankenstorm.”

Thanks again, media geniuses.

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